You never know

Two mornings ago Leland told me very matter of factly he'd not be with me any more in two days.  I asked him to clarify and he said he'd be with my papa who had died last summer.  Off and on these last two days he's mentioned it.   I'm sure he is just trying to process the funeral and viewing he attended.  But the more I have thought about it the more my heart worries he may know something I don't.   So today since it is his believed last day I took my darling boy to lunch and on my errands to target where he very happily was captain of our pirate ship... We drove through storms and escaped giant squid and talked of hiding in the Lego isle.  Amid all this he very seriously asked if my papa would take care of him when he got there.  I assured him all of his great grandparents would but especially my papa and my grandma Majel.  I am sure Leland will see many more days, but I am also sure the veil is still a little thin as he seems to understand so much more than we,have taught him.  With that said today has been emotional for me.  I find myself reflecting on all I want him to know, every little thing I love about him.  His spark and enthusiasm for creating and loving.  And that it was him who made me a mom.  I love him more than words can express and I hope he knows that.  I am looking forward to the many years I will have with him to enjoy his grins and giggles, his tenderness and love for those around him and his new found bond with his brother Max. Love you man man.... And thank you for reminding me what really matters even if you did make me an emotional mess for two days.