Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Life Happens

It happens too fast for me to keep up with. I keep reconnecting with people from my past and finding out hurtful things. Things that make me cry and want to confront the offenders. Maybe I need to stop reconnecting. Although some of it has been healing. My friend Mark has been an amazing help in all of that. I never thought that it may help to first forgive myself for being in whatever situation and then work on forgiving the offenders. I realized the other day that so much of Idaho is a blur... I spent like 3 1/2 years there or something and can't remember much of it. I have blocked it out, tried to erase it. Sure I have several fond memories but many more that hurt. Its not a fun process but I am getting there ever so slowly and my out look on life is changing. Its refreshing. I miss looking for the good instead of the bad. I think so often when the crap starts piling on I just give up. Its evident in my housework and my mothering abilities. I know I can be an amazing mom because the examples I have from my mom and sisters are just that amazing. They are inspiring, so with that I will continue and hope my metamorphosis ends somewhere happy! I often get tagged as having depression and guess what... ever since that day back in 2001 in the therapy office at Ricks I have used it as a crutch as an excuse. Yes I have depression but not the debilitating kind I get what everyone else suffers from that whole seasonal issue as well as when I get in tough situations. In other words I handle it quite well most of the time. And I have sweet people around me like Brian and Amy who know when I need to be encouraged to be in the sun... even if its cold outside, or to forgo dieting for the night and have a night out with my girls. I have some friends here who are irreplaceable they consider me family and I consider them family. I am blessed and as of today I want to work towards becoming happy again... I can do that. With my God and Husband and family who support me endlessly I can do it... and after all who couldn't smile when they looked in the face of this little boy...
he is absolutely my pride and joy. I want to make sure he knows how to be positive and he knows that when hard times come and things seem impossible there is a place to turn to and He will help carry the burden.

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